Promises Broken
by someweirdgirl
Summary: Join Bella on her struggle to help the one she loves with a battle bigger than both of them. One-Shot A/H E/B


It was all falling apart around me. I didn't know how much more I could take of living like this. I had loved him as long as I could remember. It was effortless to love him until it wasn't anymore. Some think I'm selfish for what I did. I just couldn't do it anymore. I was losing myself to a disease that was pulling me in and eating me alive.

We had met junior year of high school, I had transferred in from Phoenix after making the decision to move in with my dad and spend some time with him before going away to college. I was sitting at lunch alone when I had first spotted him in line talking to a bunch of guys. I noticed first his hair and then his eyes. I was still watching him as he passed my table then he looked at me and it almost seemed like the whole world stopped if only for a moment.

After the first glance nothing would be the same. He asked me out and we went on our first date only two weeks later. We talked and laughed, we learned all we could about each other. We were so great together it was easy and I slowly let my love for him consume me like a fire licking at my heels.

By the beginning of senior year we were inseparable. That entire summer before senior year we spent loving each other with everything we had. We talked about everything and nothing. We sat in comfortable silence just enjoying being together. Unfortunately senior year was also when things started too really start slipping away from me, from us.

Things were getting harder things weren't so effortless anymore it wasn't how it use to be. His parents were coming down on him to pick a college, and to work hard, and to do better with the sports teams. So much that he just couldn't take it, he needed an escape and I was no longer the escape he needed or craved. All I could feel was helpless as I watched him fall, I wasn't what he needed and I couldn't take away the pain. There was almost a dead look in his eyes; the beautiful eyes that had caught me and trapped me were no longer the eyes that I loved. I knew something was wrong I knew it and every day I would beat myself up for never noticing the changes and the signs.

I was heading to his house one day hoping to talk to him about the distance that had grown between us. I knocked on the door but didn't get an answer. I tried to call but he wouldn't answer his phone. I finally just tried the door and found it open. I walked into the foyer calling his name.

"Edward?" I shouted into the silent house, when I got no answer I made my way up the stairs. That's when I heard it, music coming from his room. I walked up the stairs faster now knowing he was home and within my grasp. I walked to the door turned the knob and came upon a scene that I never thought I would come across. I walked into his room to find him sitting on his couch head thrown back listening to music, on the table in from of him is a white powder crushed and put into neat little lines.

"What the fuck?" I whisper to myself. This catches his attention. His head flies up and his eyes open wide.

"What are you doing here Bella?" As he says this he takes the powder and tries to put it into a tin along with the utensil he used to snort it.

"Who cares why I'm here. Are you snorting fucking coke?" I ask getting madder by the second. I try to comprehend what my eyes have just seen. The boy who I loved dear and held on a pedestal had just come crashing down to earth right in front of me.

"It's not coke." He says as he rolls his eyes.

"Then what the hell is it?" I yell now officially pissed.

"Speed" He says and looks me in the eyes.

"What?" I say confused.

"Speed it helps me concentrate." I walk over to him then and sit down next to him on the couch.

"Does it really make a difference it's still a drug you're snorting up your nose?" I was beyond pissed at this point mad for not noticing something was going on and mad for not being able to get what I needed to say across.

"Yea it does. I need it Bella, in order to keep up with all the shit in my life I have to do something." It's almost like he's pleading with me to understand what he's doing. And why he's doing it.

"When did this start?" I put my head in my hands and push back my hair not able to look at him any longer.

"A few weeks after football season started. I was studying in the library after practice and was passing out while trying to study. James and I were studying he suggested I just try it and see if it helped me get through the tough days." I wasn't sure what to say or how to react.

"You've been snorting this shit the entire school year?" I say after doing the calculations in my head.

"You don't understand Bella. I have so much riding on me right now I need something to get me through the shit." I could understand where he was coming from though I had watched him struggle with the pressure and he had seemed calmer over this last year.

"It's only until I get through the school year and get my acceptance letter into Dartmouth. I promise." He looked me in the eyes as he said it willing me to believe him and I did.

"Promise?" I asked

"Promise." He said back to me and then kissed me on the lips gently.

That day if I had to look back would be the beginning of the shit storm if someone asked me to pinpoint the moment it went to shit it would be that moment right there. After that things were okay though. I never saw him snorting anything, I never caught him with it. I knew though that he was doing it, when I wasn't there I knew he was getting high. When he would slip off in the middle of lunch I knew that's where he was. I wasn't naïve I just chose to be ignorant wanting to live in bliss just a little longer.

Towards the end of our senior year we both got our acceptance letters to Dartmouth. I was so excited to be going off to college with him. We were going to start a new life in a new town where nobody knew us. There would be no pressure only us.

When we left for Dartmouth things were starting to look up we manage to snag dorm rooms in the same building on different floors. Classes were going well. We were enjoying classes and being able to live without our parent's constant presence. It was 5 months into college when I noticed something was going wrong again. We were in my dorm watching a movie when he suddenly got a message and had to leave. I thought nothing about it for a while but then I noticed something in his eyes shift again. At first I didn't have the guts to confront it or accept it then I just couldn't anymore. He was becoming distant again. When I finally did get up the guts to confront him it wasn't pretty at all.

I was sitting alone in my room after he had canceled plans again when I got the guts to ask him. I left my room and walked down the two flights of stairs to his room. I knocked before I could turn around and loss my nerve. When he answered I knew that he was at it again.

"Can I come in?" I said before pushing past him without waiting for an answer.

"Sure come on in Bella." He said sarcastically.

"What do you want; I told you that I was bust tonight." He said throwing himself down on his bed.

"You're snorting again aren't you?" I wasn't able to hold back any longer. I couldn't take the secrets and lies.

"What?" He asked jerking his head up and looking me in the eyes.

"I'm not fucking stupid Edward! I can see what's in front of me. You're at it again. You promised once you got into Dartmouth you were done." I was yelling and getting angry thinking about the promise he had made me in his room that day that now felt like so long ago.

'You don't understand!" He yelled back standing from the bed.

"That's what you said last time." I was done with the excuses I was over it.

"It's so much harder here than it was back in forks. So much work to keep up on. I have to work twice as hard on the team or they might pull my scholarship. It's not as easy and I thought it would be." He sat down then and with everything laid out I felt torn. I wanted to tell him it was okay but it wasn't.

"You don't need to do that shit to be good Edward." I sat down next to him and took his hand.

"I don't think I can do it without it." He said looking me in the eyes. I noticed tears in him for the first time.

"I know you can, can you try for me?" I begged.

"It's going to be so hard Bella. Last time I thought I was going to die getting off of it." I hadn't known it was so bad or hard.

"I'll help you." I said with all the conviction I had in me. I just wanted the boy that I fell in love with back. I wanted to see that light in his eyes again..

"Promise?" He whispered to me.

"Promise." I whispered back.

When he said it would be hard I underestimated the meaning behind that statement. I stood by him though, through the whole ordeal. It was to this day the hardest thing I have ever done. I remember the worst night the first night things started getting bad. About two days or so into him stopping is when it really hit. I was staying with him through the whole thing. He suggested that it would be easier to get a hotel room in order to keep it quiet and so we didn't disturb anyone.

On the third day I was laying in bed watching TV and laying on him. Suddenly he started to shiver. I looked at him and he had a sheen to his forehead like he was sweating.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"It's starting. It's only going to get worse from here." He said looking at me.

"It will be okay. I'm here not matter what." I said as I got up to get a wash cloth.

"Promise?" He said through clattering teeth.

"Promise." I said before disappearing into the bathroom.

That night things got much worse. The shivering persisted along with the sweating. It was so bad that I couldn't even lay in the bed with him. He was sweating right through the sheets. At about 2 in the morning I had woken up to him retching in the bathroom into the toilet. It had indeed started. IT would only be a few days but they would be the hardest days of my life.

On the fourth day it just got worse. I had no idea what to do or what to say anymore I was lost never having dealt with anything lit this. I tried to do what I could but he didn't want me to touch him or hold him. Eventually he even sopped allowing me into the bathroom. This I guess after doing some research was because the diarrhea had kicked in. He didn't understand though that none of it mattered to me. I would be there for him at his worse just like I would want him to be for me. Still he kept his distance and I did what I could washing his clothes changing the sheet. Making sure he had water in his system so he didn't dehydrate and forcing him to eat what he could keep down.

By the end of the week I was exhausted but the worst was over and he was starting to become more lucid. On the sixth day as I was laying in bed he came out of the bathroom still looking ill laid down and put his arm around me and held me. I knew then that things were okay again.

Things were great for almost 3years. We were together again the old us. After our second year we decided to get an apartment off campus so we could finally live together. We were doing well. He was working hard to get into medical school and I was finishing up my English degree. We were happy again.

It was the summer before our senior year and it was his birthday. We went out for dinner and then went for a walk downtown. We were walking through the park when it happened. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I of course said yes and was happier than ever.

"We're going to be together forever." He said as he held me.

"Promise?" I said looking up at him.

"Promise." He said and kissed me.

The school year started up again and we were back into work mode. We spent little time together with him working so hard on his grades and me finishing up the classes I needed. Things were good when I noticed him slipping away again and it worried me. I wanted to believe that it wasn't what I thought. So for a little while I let myself be ignorant. I just enjoyed being with him while he slipped further away from me.

Finally things got to be too much and I was sick of seeing the light in his eyes fade. I searched the house and found what I was looking for hidden in a little pouch in a shoebox in the closet of the guestroom. I nearly lost it I sank to the floor with the bag in my hand and cried.

That night I confronted him on it for what would be the last time.

"You're using again." I stated as I pulled the pouch out of my pocket and threw it on the dining room table during dinner.

"You went through my stuff?" He asked getting mad.

"Of course I did I knew something was up you've been fading again Edward I knew you were using." I yell back.

"That gave you no right." He said standing up leaning over the table.

"That gives me every right." I said standing and leaning in too. I wasn't backing down this time.

"What the fuck is so hard that you hard to go back to that shit. You promised me." I said yelling and pleading.

"Shit was starting to get out of hand, with finishing up classes and applying for medical school. I've gotten two rejection letters already. Plus planning the wedding and making sure that you're happy." He said as his excuse this time.

That last line thought was the line that shattered it all. I stood walked to the bedroom and started packing my stuff. I was packing when he walked into the bedroom.

"What are you doing? Where are you going?' He asked with a scared look in his eyes.

"I've have put up with this shit for years. Every time I forgive and you promise me, every fucking time. Never have you used me as an excuse for this shit. I refuse to be an excuse for your addiction Edward. I'm eliminating some of the stress. I refuse to be an excuse for your self destruction." I zipped my suite case and stood up. I looked him in the eyes and slipped my ring off of my finger. I set it in his hand and closed it around the ring.

"No wedding to worry about or plan. No Bella to make happy. Now you can focus on your studies." I said before picking up my bag and walking past him.

I walked out that day, it seems like just yesterday. It had been the hardest choice that I ever had to make. I still think about it frequently. In reality it had been 6 years. They were very long years and very lonely years. I closed myself off after that and didn't talk to many people. After that Edward had dropped out of school and disappeared. I had finished and gotten a job back in forks as a teacher.

It was on a rare sunny day in forks that I walked to my mailbox after school and looked inside. Sitting there was a letter from Edward. I froze at first and didn't know what to do. It took me nearly 3 days to muster the courage to open it and read it. When I did I knew that everything was okay.

That long journey had helped me find myself. It had also taken me many years to realize that it wasn't my fault and that I had done all I could to help him. When it comes down to it though there comes a point where you have to choose saving yourself above saving someone else, even the one you love.

**The letter:**

_Bella, _

_You don't know how hard it is to have to sit down and write this letter. I wanted to apologize and to let you know I'm doing okay. I'm currently working with my councilor on fixing me. After you left things only got worse. I sunk lower and lower after that day. I recently sought out help after some stuff happened. I'm in treatment and am working to complete my 12 steps. I'm on the make amends step if you couldn't tell. _

_It's hard to write this because I owe the biggest apology to you. You were there and cared for me through all my shit. You loved me through it all. You were never a reason for my addiction Bella. That night you left you were right. I should have never used you as an excuse for me being weak. _

_You mean more to me than you can possibly realize. I hold you close in my heart and keep a picture of you close by. I will always cherish the love you gave me Bella. You always have been and always will be one of the most important people in my life. I realize now however that I could never get clean simply for you. I had to want it for myself first. _

_I finally want it and am working so hard to be the man I should have been for you. I hope one day you can find it in yourself to forgive me for the hell I put you through. One day I hope that we can talk and be friends. I hope life is treating you well. I have many hopes when it comes to you Bella._

_Love always, _

_Edward_

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><p>This is <strong>THEE<strong> Hardest story I have ever written It has been stuck in my head for months and this is my 3rd attempt at it. This is the one I am finally happy with and willing to share. I know it's rough but I don't have a beta so I'm sorry about that. Many thanks must go out to the artists of the songs that helped me to write this story it has taken me months to write this with the help of many songs to inspire me. Mostly to the song that inspired me to write this in the first place. Wish you well by Thousand Foot Krutch.

SM OWNS


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